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It said a-loh on Christmas morning. By February it was saying 'I love you.' It had not learned anything. It had been on a timer the whole time.

You were supposed to be learning about westward expansion. You were learning how to lead a deer with a crosshair.

A comic book ad. Two foil packets and a plastic tank. A cartoon family with little crowns. The promise was that they would love you back.

A paperback book stapled to a cassette tape. A narrator who knew you couldn't be trusted. A small bell that rang when it was time.

Ninety dollars of calculator. Three percent of which was used for calculating.

It was a piece of red cellophane the size of a dental floss strip. You put it on your hand. You learned things about yourself.